The Poop Diary

19 Jun

*Warning: high gross-out factor and potty humor ahead*

I was cleaning out the file cabinet a few days ago when I stumbled across something I had long since forgotten – a moment-by-moment account of Jasper’s first seven days living with us as a puppy (written by Veronika – OK, I admit to making a couple entries on days 6 and 7).

As I flipped through the pages, two things became apparent: Veronika was really excited to have a dog and for some strange reason, she thought it was important to document each of his bowel movements in great detail. God help us if we ever have kids (or help the kids)!

Let me share a few of the thrilling entries (I was going to write “juicy details,” but that’s just wrong!).

“Introduced Jasper to the backyard and played. He went potty outside (solid).” Good to know.

“We took him into the house. He was very excited, tail wagging. Pooped on living room floor and in back hallway.” Unfortunately, the first of many times. Thank goodness for hardwood floors.

“In the afternoon he had diarrhea (half-liquid) and later at night as well (all-liquid).”

Seriously, did we really need that much detail? Continuing on…

“Took him outside. He pooped (looked more solid).”

I don’t know about you, but I’m picturing Veronika in the backyard looking like Jane Goodall with her notebook and magnifying glass crouched down examining the latest specimen.

Jasper in the yard
Photo: When you’re a dog, all the yard’s your potty.

After a while, she decided to skip the details and just get right to the point:

“8AM. Poop! (Solid-good)”

Seriously, the detail in documenting his first seven days worth of bowel movements is astounding! And once again, I have no idea what we were thinking in writing this all down?!

And here’s yet another thrilling entry from day four:

“7AM. Out three times. Pee. Poop! Pee.” Wow, the drama!

By day five a new documentation protocol had arrived:

“Poop – 7AM, 7:30AM, 11AM, 12:45PM, 3:45PM…” Damn, that’s a pretty full day already. Must have been time for a nap, oh wait… “Poop: 4:00PM”

The diary ends with this unrelated, but really sweet, entry by Veronika:

“First puppy class tonight! Was worried at first, but calmed down as class went along. During ‘play time’ he was scared at first, but got more confident when I assured him how much FUN we were having.”

Ahhh.

p.s. Potty training would take around 10 months to completely sink in. Something that was a real pain but easy to forget when thinking back on all the good times.

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One Response to “The Poop Diary”

  1. Karen Workman, The Oakland Press June 23, 2010 at 9:28 AM #

    I am so relieved to know I’m not the only one who keeps ridiculous records on my dog … The vet appreciates it (though probably laughs at me behind closed doors) and the husband mocks me. Thank you Veronika!

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