The Long Good-bye?

3 Jul

I had planned on writing another funny entry, but I guess I’m just not feeling it tonight. Sorry about that.

Another beautiful walkOn a positive note, though, we were able to take Jasper for a long walk nearly every night this week. I love those times because when we’re out there in the woods or hiking along the river on a beautiful summer night with the sun setting in the distance, he’s just like the old J – pulling all the way, marking the trail every 50 feet and looking for opportunities to jump in the water (and pull me in)!

The rest of the time has been different, though. I’ve noticed that he’s sleeping a lot more lately. He’s also starting to limp a little when he walks and he’s jumping on the bed less and less. Perhaps most worrisome, though, is the weight loss.

Seems like no matter how much we feed him, he continues to lose weight. I’m guessing it’s because of the cancer, but we don’t know for sure. All I do know is that in order to take the next set of pills, he needs to gain weight. So, we keep trying to coax him to eat, and I keep thinking, “Please let him gain weight.”

My sister called this week to see if she and her two boys (ages 3 and 6) could stop by to see Jasper. I was really happy when they made it over, but for some reason in my mind I kept asking, “Is this the beginning of the long good-bye?”

My sister seemed especially keen on getting some photos of J and the boys. I kept thinking of how those last few photos of our mom and the boys mean so much to us now and wondering if this was the same thing happening all over again. Taking photos as a way of freezing time when otherwise we’re powerless to do so.

J and the family
Photo: Jasper with my sister and Joaquin

The visit was wonderful, though, and J seemed to really perk up. Cuddle and play time is good!

We were all sitting around chatting when my six-year old nephew said something that nearly broke my heart.

He asked me, “Can we still go to the dog park – maybe with Zooey – when Jasper dies?”

In that moment it took all of my strength to hold back the tears as I replied, “Sure, you and I can still go to the park anytime you like.”

P.S. Another great nature walk with Jasper and our nephew tonight. For a while over the past year it seemed like Sebastian might be afraid of J, but now he’s been asking to see him more often. Even though he’s only six, I think he has a pretty good sense of what’s going on.

Also, on another positive note, we found a low-protein, canned dog food that J loves, which means two straight days of eating all his food! Now if he would just start to put on some more weight…


One Response to “The Long Good-bye?”

  1. Lori Hecomovich July 3, 2010 at 12:29 AM #

    Hopefully the food will give Jasper more strength.. Love Sebastian’s question, only a kid could come up with that.


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